figgles (figgles) wrote,
figgles
figgles

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it's weird without sadie. massah didn't really think i'd notice too much, but i do. ever since i was a puppy, sadie has been at the house - i've never been in the house without her. and then they came home monday night without her.... i could smell her on massah-in-law, and i could see her collar that they were holding. but she wasn't around. and then they buried something that smelled an AWFUL lot like sadie. that's how i figured it out. and it's just hitting me that she's really gone. i was very sad yesterday; i didn't want to play or give a lot of kisses or even go outside. i just sat around. and last night i just had to get out of bed in the middle of the night, because it wasn't the same without sadie stepping on me and rolling on top of my body. motch though i was going to be sick, and i kinda was. not the throwing-up kind of sick, though... the missing-sadie-stomach-ache kind of sick. and everyone is really sad too... they cry a lot. and that makes me even more sad. granted, i am not the most sympathetic and caring dog, but sadie was special. she was the ONLY dog i liked. i loved her. i slept beside her lots and lots. she was never mean to me. she let me bite her long curly ears when i was a puppy. she never snapped back. she stepped on me a lot, but that was only because she was old and couldn't see me. sometimes i yelled at her when she walked on me, and i feel bad about that now. i know it wasn't her fault. i think she kinda loved me too, in her own way. i admit i was REALLY annoying as a young pup, so just the fact that she NEVER got mad at me is a testiment to her affection towards me. i loved her much more than she loved me, and if i could go back and change anything in my life, i would make sure she knew that. but somehow, i think she did. she was smarter than she let on, especially about how people were feeling. i'm pretty sure she knew how much everyone loved her, even including me.

she's buried in the back now. i'm going to respect her grave and never pee on it. i'll even keep IT away from her, because he's starting to pee on EVERYTHING with his leg lifted. i'll be sure love her now, even if i didn't show her how much i loved her while she was alive.

in time i'm sure i'll be able to sleep without thinking of her and missing her warm body. i'll be able to run around and not look for her lying on the floor. i'll be able to eat without thinking of stealing some of her food. i'll be able to go outside without waiting for her to finish her business so we could come inside together. but right now it's still hard. i miss her more than massah and everyone else thinks i do.
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